I've heard a thousand times that this generation has an obsession with sharing every mundane thought in their heads. That there is an almost compulsive need to post an update or send a message as soon as it crosses your mind, but I think a lot of people assume that need is born from laziness. That we're using the internet instead of face to face conversation because we'd rather stay home then go out. I personally don't think that's entirely true. I think the obsession is about being connected to one person or another. I am guilty of that. I love that I can talk to people I care about on a daily basis even though they are miles away. Family has always been very important to me. So now that some of my cousins have moved far away I'm glad that I can use things like Facebook to know that they are ok, and let them know vice versa that I'm ok. But, I've heard a lot of negativity about people writing blogs and how it never makes a difference but I think it does. I think it's important to share and as a writer a blog just makes sense so I thought why not try again. I've tried writing blogs millions of times, even tried to get a magazine working but I've always given up and that makes me sad.
I've had a rough go of it as of late and I've found myself again at that point in my life where I want something to change. I'm a change addict you could say. But I for once I think I understand why I always get to that spot where something has to change and it's gotta change that second. It's because I haven't made the change I know I need to make. I'm always cutting my hair, or dying it, or painting my nails, or starting a new story because I want something new to play with something new to focus on. The problem is that those little changes are just distractions form a bigger problem. Sitting here writing this I'm thinking back to what made me want to write this blog and it's because of Teresa Palmer. She's an actress, if you don't recognize the name she played Number Six in the movie I Am Number Four. Anyway, the point is that I was watching videos she posts on her website www.yourzenlife.com and got really inspired. She was talking about overcoming adversity and manifesting greatness and love in your life. Things I think I'd really like to look more into, but that's not exactly why I'm writing this either. I found myself feeling very light and hopeful after I watched the eight videos and decided that I wanted to make note of it for other people out there, because you really don't know how many people your story could inspire.
I'm going to be very honest with myself right here and now and say that my biggest problem is that I don't love myself. Not like I should anyway and that has got to change. I had a horribly unhealthy lunch today and I fell like my pores are just oozing the grease from the chicken I had and that the syrup from the soda is just coating my throat and it makes me kind of sick. I've never treated my body right. I've taken it for granted. Yes time and time again I've tried to treat it better, but I think I was hiding behind other things and not really looking the problem head on. I've lied to myself, cheated on a hundred diets, and all in all cheated myself out of a happy life. So I think it's time to change again, but this time I want to do my best and focus on what my problem really is. I want to look myself in the mirror and say that I'm a 22 year old girl. I shouldn't feel like an eighty year old moving around. I should be able to start playing tennis again. I should be able to go for a run that lasts more than five feet.
So I want to try something right now. I want to thank the universe for abundance of potential and drive it's given me. I want to say thank you for the opportunities ahead that will help me find what makes me happy. I am so grateful that I can look ahead and feel safe knowing that my fate is ultimately in the hands of a friendly universe. I'm so thankful for the ability to lose the weight I need lose and I'm grateful for the love in my life and the smiling faces that I get to see every day. I may not show it all the time but I am so thankful.
Normally I'd make some list of rules for myself right now and start a new diet but I think I need to take a step back and let go of the control for a second. I've tried to manage my life into a way where I don't have to face the blame and take responsibility so many times, but this time I want to face it and realize that if I want to get this done I've just got to do it. Nothing changes if nothing changes right?
So instead of saying to you that from this point on I'm going to eat this and not that or go to the gym on this day and work out to a certain way, I'm going to stop. I'm going to let it go and look inward and tell myself the universe is going to take care of me like it was meant to. I will find the energy to do the things I want to do and I'll face what has to be faced.
All I've got to do now is take the leap and release all the negative energy I've been drawing to myself and just live life. I will be so grateful that I can look back and be proud of my life in ten years when I'm married with babies and who knows maybe a grandbaby or two. Right now, no I'm not proud of myself, but that doesn't matter anymore. I'm closing my eyes (metaphorically speaking), opening my heart, and taking the leap.
Thank You Universe being there to catch me.
-Chelsea.
